Are you an ant or a grasshopper?

So there is an Aesop's fable about the ant and the grasshopper. Throughout the summer the ant worked and toiled and saved up food for the winter. The grasshopper sang in the field and ate what he wanted and laughed and the ant kept working so hard. The grasshopper tried to get ant to stop working and play for a little while. This only made the ant work harder.

Well the summer turned to fall, and fall turned to winter, and it was cold outside. The ant could now chill in her house and enjoy her feast of saved food. And the grasshopper died of cold and hunger. The moral of the story, "It is wise to worry about tomorrow today."

We are in a recession right now. But y'all all know that tax time is about to be here in a month. What y'all wanna bet that some silly ass person is gonna take that tax refund check and go to Vegas or buy some new cothes? What y'all wanna bet that some broke ass person is about to go drop bout $200 on an outfit for New Year's, but their furniture isn't fully paid for? What y'all wanna bet that same person is also gonna spend $100 to get into the club and $300 for bottle service at the club? This my friends is an example of the grasshopper mentality.

Then there are the ants. The people that are willing to get that refund check and pay down some back due bills. The people that instead of partying for hundreds of dollars, are throwing a get together at the house. The people that don't have to have the latest clothes, if it means putting it on a credit card. In this economic climate, we should all be ants...but you know as well as I that folks are not looking 2 days ahead, let alone a full year.

I take my lunch to work erry-day, even though I miss eating out. I forgo my love of Starbuck's Caramel Macchiato, for a simple cup of coffee that I brew at home. I have given up my mani and pedi days...sighing softly, becuz it is not in the budget. I have decided to be an ant. I already put in my plans to pay things down, Down, DOWN and the only way to honestly do that is to sacrifice. Fun can come later. Are you an ant or are you a grasshopper?

http://www.longlongtimeago.com/llta_fables_antgrasshopper.html

Quit Making Excuses!!!

I am irrtitated about this whole Plaxico Burress situation going on in New York. Number 1, I am irritated with him being a dumbass millionaire without a lick of free common sense. Number 2, I am tired of people making damn excuses for his behavior. I got this frustrated with the whole Mike Vick situation when that was going on. I am so over it...ugh! I am so over the likes of Pacman Jones, Larry Johnson, Travis Henry, Tank Johnson. Why can't they just use their talents and do their jobs? Why so much extra. Why the lack of critical thinking?

I read alot of news and blogs and general attitude about Plax is that he is dumb for shooting himself. What really, REALLY gets me is when people start making excuses and rationalizing his behavior. He did something illiegal. He was carrying an unlicensed, concealed weapon in a state that says you get 3.5 years for doing so.

So to playing devil's advocate...what should Plaxico's punishment be? Should the DA and mayor just say, never mind ur rich. Never mind, ur a Giant. My bad, u had a tough upbringing. Just playing, u caught the game winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl. Are these good reasons to let someone off the hook? HELL NAW!!!

Why is it that hard to understand that there are consequences to ur actions. You can't just claim that you didn't know the new law existed. That doesn't hold up in the court room. You can't claim, well Sean Taylor was just killed just last year. That just gives everyone the green light to start carrying a concealed weapon. What if he had shot someone else. He was drinking that night. Thank God he only shot himself. But you know what, other folks are going down or may be going down becuz of his stupid ass decision. The club that knowingly let him in, his teammate Antonio Pierce, and the doctor that didn't report the shooting.

Now I must ask the question...was it worth it?Was the cost of foregoing a bodyguard worth the millions that you are now giving up? Was the night on the town so fun that is was worth putting other people's livelihoods in jeopardy? He obviously wasn't thinking pass that moment. I HATE STUPIDITY. STUPIDITY IS DANGEROUS ON ALL LEVELS.

Miss Independent

So Ne-yo has a song out talking about how he loves a girl because she has her own stuff. She is educated. She has her own house and a paid off car. That is fine and good, but is this really the reality? Do guys really want a completely independent woman?

I am an independent woman. I have my own place. My little scraper of a car is almost paid off. I am working on my Master's degree. But this is not my end all be all. I do not run around talking about alla my credentials and alla my bullet points that make me fab all the time, not that I am not proud of my accomplishments. The thing is, many women do. I think this could be part of the cycle that keeps Black men and Black women at odds with each other. (I know that Black men need to work out their own issues. I am chatting about us women right now.)

Y'all know that you have heard many a times, there are not enough good Black men. They are all in jail or gay or with white women. This cannot be the case. I have run into quite a few good men. I have a few good Black guy friends who are single. What the question should be, why aren't the good Black men and women finding each other?This is definitely my opinion, but I think that sometimes when we start to get more and more credentials, we develop an attitude of superiority. I can honestly say that I think I am damn catch...the difference is how we portray this attitude. You can have all the degrees in the world. You can have a nice car and house. You can be a baller, shot caller. But if you have a stank ass attitude, yo ass gonna be by yourself.I live out here in Chicago. And I have seen some stank ass females. I guess coming from a small country town where you say "hi" to people and smile, I am a little more sensitive. But summa these women out hurrr...whew, I can see why they single. Justa mean muggin, and bitchy, and bitter. And this is coming from a woman. I hate to hear what the guys are actually saying about them.

In my opinion, women should have their own. They should be able to stand without a man if need be, but recognize that you have to let the man be the man. So many women are sooo strong they think that they don't need a man for anything. I can raise my kids. I can pay my own bills. I can do this and do that...GREAT! Do that. But wouldn't that be a whole lot easier with a partner? Shit, I am tired of doing everything by my damn self. I cannot give myself a massage when I had a hard day at work. I want to be cuddled if I am feeling sick. I want sex if I am in the mood. There are just some things that that damn degree and car and house won't give you.

My American Dream Realized

When people talk of the “American Dream”, what exactly are they speaking of? This question is purely subjective and will mean something completely different for all of us. I know growing up, I wanted to be happy. I couldn’t define “happiness”, but I knew that it was NOT all about money. So how do I get to that land of something indefinable? I try to be the best me that I can be. I excel in school, graduate from college, get a good job. But is that really enough? I say, NO…it is not enough.

I say NO, because, I may have accomplished a few things in my life, but I am but a small particle in the grand universe. I am only 28 years old, but I know that the strides made in Civil Rights and for minorities and other disenfranchised people, are all fairly new. Who would have thought that only 40 years after passing Civil Right’s legislation that a day as historic as today could come around? I would never have fathomed just one year ago that a Black man would have the audacity to run for president. Let alone that white folks could actually let it happen. Just as a rapper’s album cannot go platinum without white folks buying; the same is true for Barack Obama’s chance at winning this election.

This election marks for me what the “American Dream” is about. It gives little boys and girls something that they can visualize and strive for. They actually see someone like themselves crashing through that glass ceiling that has been looming above our heads for hundreds of years. Yea, we (Black folks), may have been “allowed” to be mayors and representatives and senators…but dang y’all, we might get a Black president! I know that Barack hasn’t himself brought race into the election…but it is staring me right in the face, and I am proud. I am proud that we are finally taking a little bit of that dream for ourselves, that the majority will have to cede some of their power, and that we are at a paradigm shift of change.

I was so excited this morning when I voted. I swear to goodness it felt like Christmas when I was a little girl waiting on my parents to wake up. And even though I know that Barack will resoundingly win Illinois that is NOT the point. The point is, I made my statement. I will no longer be relegated by what others give me as being the “American Dream.” My American Dream can be shaped by me and not just what society allows. If we have to claw, pull, or take by force rights and luxuries that should have been afforded to us in the first place, then dammit, that is what we need to do. Barack did it. He wasn’t waiting on anyone to give him the green light that America was ready. He did what he needed to do, regardless of folks being ready. That alone has shifted the consciousness of America.

If you are slightly pissed about the AIG spa retreat...

So I am sure most of y’all saw that AIG folks took a nice cushy retreat to reward the bang up job they did with their company. Well, as a taxpayer, I am so thoroughly upset with them. I mean really, when is the last time anyone of you guys had a spa day? Anyways, if you are upset like I am I think that you should write a nice email to the federal board expressing your feelings. Just my two cents…for what that is worth. http://federalreserve.gov/feedback.cfm

what had happen was...

so now i get it when people say, "well it just happened." here is my story...

i have a girlfriend, J. and a few months ago J introduced me to her friend T. me and T exchanged numbers that night, but didn't really call or hang out...i didn't even worry about calling T until J just wasn't available in my time of need. anyways, long story short, me and T having been hanging out and have become good friends and J is no where in the picture. me and T have a lot in common. we are both in school. we both are very stable and kinda predictable. and we get along very well.

i feel bad becuz i have become good friends with T and we hang out without J all the time, but J is never available. she is always cancelling our plans and she is just not available anymore. T is available and consistent.

i feel like i am cheating on my friend. but it just happened, well kinda. it started out with a simple movie outing...now it has progressed into studying at coffee shops together. and neither one of us has told J about these outings. i am gonna hope that she doesn't find out. but feel like we are growing apart anyways.

so i admit, i am cheating on my friend, with a new shiny friend. and it just happened...i didn't mean to become good friends like we did. i feel soooo guilty though.

Hot pick up lines this week...

So I was coming home from work and the guy who parks beside me in the garage was getting out of his car, I spoke...cause I am nice girl. The guy told me that he was new in the building, he introduced himself, and proceeded to ask me which apartment that I lived in. WTF??? Who does that. He said that I seem nice and he wanted to have a friend in the building....nuh-uhn Larry. Not witcho African ass...gonna try and marry me or something. I told dude "No" and that I had a boyfriend. And he asked me if he lived with me. I gotta tell you, he was persistent...but ummm, no. No way ever.

Wednesday I was walking to my car so that I could get me some lunch. I was wearing some sexy ass heels and the security guy at my job noticed. He pulled up beside me in his truck and this is how the convo went....

random guy: you wear shoes like that all the time?
me: yea.
random guy: you gotta a boyfriend?
me: *busts out laffin* then I tell him, yes, I have a boyfriend. And he loves it when I wear these shoes.
random guy: Well I wanted to let you know that I liked the way you walked across the parking lot.

Not sure why the chubby security guard thought I would be impressed with that sad line...it didn't work tho.

Lastly, yesterday's sad pick up line. I am an admissions advisor for a school. This guy that clearly has a crush wanted to give me his cousin's information so that I could help him get in school. Cool...I like warm leads. But then he started to hit on me, and it was sad. He told me that right now he was riding the bus, but he was about to buy a benz. (OK...not impressed.) Then he told me that he makes FIVE figures...that's right people, FIVE figures. (OK...really not impressed.) Then he asked me to lunch, I had to nip this shit in the bud right then and there. I let him know that I appreciate the lead, but I am strictly here for school and to help folks get in and that is it. Hopefully that is it for that fake coogi jean wearing dude.

It seems like weird dudes are coming out of the wood work. It gives me a chuckle, but then it makes me wonder what kind of vibe I am putting out into the world.

a rant...and i'ma tie it all together before the end...

So I swear to goodness that I watch CNN, MSNBC, and check tha news on the net like it is my job. I feel like I am gathering research or something. But honestly, election season is very important to me. This is the third presidential election that I have been able to vote in, and I take this mess quite seriously. I take it seriously becuz I am a taxpayer, and these fools are handling my money like fcuking monopoly money.

Anyways, I was upset when Bush got elected the first time. I was living in Ohio, which is a swing state, and I couldn't believe this babbling fool won the election. Just imagine my feelings when he "won" the election the second time...I was utterly distraught. Like I was even more distraught than if Ohio State lost three national championships in a row. (That has NO bearing on my money.) But really, this fool did such a terrible job as president the first time around, that someone, and quite a few people at that, gave him the opportunity to fcuk stuff up a second time around. (Hind sight is 20-20, huh...) I hate u bitches that voted for him twice. (I hope you are happy about the state of this economy now.)

NEways...this pass week I was in training in a hotel. Each night, since I didn't have instant access to the Internet, I was running to my room to watch the status of this "Bailout" that our genius of a president came up with. I am on the fence about this...and for anyone who knows me knows that I am EXTREMELY opinionated....so it is quite weird for me to be on the fence about anything. I am conflicted becuz I do not want the American economy to completely crash. I want to be able to keep up the lifestyle that I am accustomed to. I am not living extravagantly, but comfortably. What I take exception to is people that have been living outside of their means that I am having to help rescue. I am also PISSED at CEOs and CFOs and COOs fcuking up companies, running them completely into the ground, then getting a fcuking severance package. How does any of this happen in real life?

So you are telling me that if I were to be dumb enuf to take out a loan that I couldn't handle, becuz I didn't read the conditions, becuz someone told me that I could afford it, then for some "strange" reason I can't make the payments, becuz I was always living beyond my means, that the gub-ment is gonna come in and fix all the sh1t I put myself into??!! Probably not....u know why? I do not take on more than I can handle. I realize that I have an accounting degree, but really, does it take an accounting degree to figure out that if u making fcuking $35,000 a year, u should not buy a house that cost $350,000. That is just dumb. Now we have all these foreclosures. People are just leaving their houses and neighborhoods, property taxes are down, the economy of towns is going down, down, down, and some cities are even going bankrupt....and all this mess started with dumb ass people biting off more than they can chew.

Now to the CEOs, CFOs, and COOs that are fcuking stuff up. Now I am a regular girl, working a regular job...so I can only talk for myself. But usually I get a 90 day or a semi-annually review where my manager tells me how my job performance stands versus my actual goals. I know that if I do terrible at my job, come review time, or even before, I may not have my job too long. This doesn't seem to be the same for these top execs at these toxic companies. These men are doing so terribly that they get fired or are forced to resign, but they are taking millions of dollars in severance pay. The employees that were working under them are losing their retirements and pension funds for alla their hard work, but these execs are getting paid out millions....I just don't get it. Let me just get two-weeks worth of regular pay if I get fired. ***Disclaimer*** I have never been fired for job performance...this is just an example.

So becuz of silly people who have never done a monthly budget for themselves to see how much they can actually handle, and retarded top-managers of big time companies, America is in a recession so bad that other countries are scratching their heads at us. (Didn't we use to be a damn supa power?) Now regular, responsible people who are handling their bizness and paying their taxes and bills on time are being penalized. And I still haven't figured out how this money is being spent. (If u r gonna F me hard...at least take me to dinner or sumthin...just kidding:) Naw, but if taxpayers have to rescue Wall Street and homeowners, who by my account shouldn't own a home, I should know how the money is being spent!

I am real passionate about this. I am also very passionate about the election. If you are not concerned about your money or lack thereof, then don't worry about all this silly news stuff. *sarcastic tone* But if you are concerned that gas is above $4 or that apples cost $2 a pound (I actually saw that today), and that milk is about $4 a gallon, then you better worry about your vote and who cares to make a difference. Neither candidate will be able to fix this mess immediately. It just can't happen. Bush F'd stuff up so thoroughly. But let's just all close our eyes and imagine Sarah Palin running our country if McCain died...terrible thought huh? So let's at least vote for someone that has the biggest chance of out-living his presidency...Obama 08!

I think that I tied my rant together, I think... lemme know if I forgot sumthing:)

Erry-thing is cool

I have figured it out...the secret to getting ova some shit. Just get ova it. Profound, I know. Easy...not so much. Do-able...very.

I be forgetting sometimes that I am a damn catch. Usually I got enuf self confidence for me and like 2 otha women...but I forgot that for a minute. Well I got my swagga back. Folks betta be ready:) Naw, just kidding...I use my powers for good, not evil.

A lil bit of time can make things better...

ok, so a coupla of weeks ago, i was a mess. all crying and stuff over me and my guy breaking up. okey dokey, well i am a lil bit better now. i am not crying at least, that is a good start. i am trying like hell to move on. i started a new position at my job. i am still working out. i am in school. so i am working on me. i just gotta work on the whole social thing. i can't stay in the house like i been doing.

i don't wanna jump into something serious. i just need to be around people. i just gotta figure out where to go now that i am not crying. if i would have gone out a couple of weeks ago, i would have scared people. now i am approachable again.

breaking up sux

my breathing has not been the same since me and my guy broke up. i have to make an extra effort to breathe right. i miss him. i feel like part of me is gone.

it is bad during quiet times, during those times when i am alone. but at the same time i don't want to be around other people. i just want to be with him. so i end up being home, by myself.

i really gotta get out of this funk. i am sad, but the rational side of me knows that it is not the end of the world. but the rational side is being over-rule by the emotional side. i think that me and him can work it out...i just think it will take some time. dang, i miss him.

My emotions and actions coincide.

I wear my emotions. I am honest like that. Good or bad, you know how I am feeling just by looking at me or talking to me. One thing that I have noticed about me is that I allow other folk's energy to affect my energy. I may wake up ridiculously happy and sunshine-y, but just as soon as I encounter someone else's rain and clouds, my disposition changes.

At the beginning of the year, I vowed to be positive. I decided that I was gonna be happy and all that good stuff. And it is not even the end of the year and I am already breaking my resolution to myself. My energy is all off. I am cussing. I got this stress building up in my stomach that is eating me up.

I gots to change something quick, fast, and in a hurry. Being unhappy and stressed doesn't even sound like me...cuz it ain't me. I'ma do me and make me happy first and foremost, err-body else can get in line.

I am only typing this to keep a record for myself. You know, it's easier to keep a goal if you have something to hold yourself accountable. And this blog of mine helps me remember. Sometimes we get so busy in our lives that we forget things, small things. But even a lil bit of negativity is too much. And even a tad bit of happiness should be relished.

Peace y'all

Education is OK! I promise it won't hurt you.

I just recently got this note:

"well name deon deontae nice to meet u i hope u not rude in read my note in not reply back ? but i type to u so u can't say u don't no me but i tell u about me so u can reply back to me unless u a judgemental person in very mean than that not good ,because thing can come back at you but a lil about me is yes i am in school i am going to two school kennedy king in depaul university i play ball baseball in basketball love to talk in cook , getout have fun move around don't take bull %&@$! from no one hate a lier a cheateron game fake %&@$! hoe %&@$! what ever they want to be call i am cool calm laid back person i love to talk in listen dance get around walk explore love the kids that one thing about me love the kids lol i have a daughter she is 7 months that my world um i am tall 6'1 favor color is blue in green in food well i have no favor food in i don't have no women i am in single in ok about it um i don;t smoke or drinkThank's$"

Number one, can anyone decipher what this fool is saying? Number two, how in the world did he graduate high school, let alone get into someone's college? OMG, this is what single women have to look forward to. And folks wonder why we say there are no eligible men. If this counts as an eligible man, we are all in trouble! Someone should slap this fool with a book and make him workout with a computer.

Hook a brotha up....

My side hustle is doing locs, I do my own hair and I know how to help people maintain theirs. I was at my real job a few weeks ago when I met a guy that asked me to do his hair. Cool, I could always use a few extra dollars. I told him how much I charge and a little while later, he called to make an appointment. During this convo, dude was trying to get me to lower the price, (which is lower than it is here in Chicago.) Basically this dude wanted me to hook him up. This dude that I had ONE previous conversation with.

Why is it that people always expect something for nothing? It is so irritating. In the end, he ended up talking me down $10.

Even though this is a side hustle, for me this is a source of income. How would it sound if someone's boss ask them to work an extra hour for free to save the company some money? That person would say, Hell no!!! Or can a person go to the grocery store and just ask for $20 off, just randomly? Probably not. So why do people think that they can get over on regular folks?

Well I am over it. No more Miss Nice Lady. I can't hook you up. It is not my responsibility to save you money. I am trying to make money my damn self. I'm sure that this is not an isolated situation. I know that everyone knows somebody that is trying to get a hook up. Just say NO though!

Can a woman really have it all?

So I am about to make a blanket statement. Most people want to be successful, make money, and achieve something in life. Now if you are a woman, you have the added pressure of having a biological clock, going tick-tock tick-tock. Anyways, I was wondering can a woman really have a successful, fulfilling career and a happy family? Is it really possible to have it all?

One day, I was sitting at home during the day and I saw one of those daytime shows, Oprah, Dr. Phil, one of 'em, I can't remember. Anyways, the show was about career moms vs. stay-at-home moms. (Those stay-at-home moms can be kind of militant.)

So the stay-at-home moms are happy with sacrificing for their family. They feel that the happiest career is one of mother-hood and being a wife. Many of these women were educated. Some used to have a career. But all were on the same accord of thinking that mothers should be in the house.

The career moms all wanted to be both mothers and career women. They all felt that having a career fulfilled them, which allowed them to bring more to the household. They could not see dedicating their whole lives to their kids because they didn't lose themselves.
Listening to the stay-at-home moms, you would think that career moms were the most selfish people on the earth since they wanted a life outside of the home. You would think that these kids are getting abused because their mothers' work. It was so weird.

I am under the impression that I can have it all. Well at least I'ma try. I have worked too hard in school and my career to just completely give it up. And as a woman, I am also hearing that biological clock starting to tick. Anyways, why can't we do it all? We are taught to be successful in school. Is working ok just until we get a husband? I think not. I will not be a chauffuer, personal assistant, and homemaker with a bachelor's degree. It just ain't happening. How in the world can I start asking my husband for an allowance because I no longer have my own money? Ummmm, I think not. I am gonna try my damndest to have it all.

Can a guy with a rotation of women be marriage material?

I have this guy friend. He is always telling me that he wants a girlfriend, but then in the same breathe he tells me about all the women he has in his "rotation." He talks about how lonely he is, then he tells me about going to the club to meet women. I am honestly confused about this guy. I kinda think that he has dual personalities.

He is the classic narcissist. Everything with him is, "me, me, me." He plays with these girls head. He calls one of them up when the need suits him, but cringes when one of them calls him up. He really doesn't understand that these girls actually have feelings, because he has absolutely NONE for them. They are a temporary play thing until the newest play thing comes along.

My boy, he tells me he wants to be married. I think that he is serious too. I really don't think that he understands that you can't be a player, then all of a sudden be marriage material.

The sad thing about this scenario, is that I know for certain that this is not an isolated incident. It is sad, but people play with folk's emotions and feelings all the time. And alot of the time it is just a game.

I told my boy that he is a predator. I know this is a harsh label, but I think that it fits. He is a smart guy, good job, responsible, goes to church, but knowingly messes with girls' heads. He knows that he is wrong, but can't see past his own needs.

I guess that whole Golden Rule thing, "Do unto to others...", doesn't really reasonate with everybody. I think that people who constantly hurt people will eventually gets theirs ten-fold. Karma is a bitch. And people who constantly f* people over, hopefully, will feel exactly what they dish out. It is a good thing that I am not in charge of doling out Karma, because somebody could get hurt.

If you want....

If you want to be interesting, be interested. If you want to be heard, listen.

If you wish to truly learn, teach. If you would like to be wealthy, be generous.

If you desire to be understood, take the time to understand. If you want to have many friends, be friendly.

If you want the world to change for the better, make a positive change in yourself. If you long for peace, be peaceful.

What you give to life is what life becomes for you. The treasures you accumulate all come from the good things you do.

Every day is your opportunity to raise your life to a higher level by giving the best that you have. Whatever it is you desire, give it, be it, support it, and you will enjoy it in great abundance.

-- Ralph Marston

I saw this quote today and I thought that it would be nice to share. If we could all live like this, imagine how happy we would be.

How well do you take constructive criticism?

At work we get reviewed on our performance. Someone looks at our target, looks at our work, and sees exactly how close you came to hitting that target. It is very black and white when it comes down to money and business. But still, who really likes to have themselves broken down like that? Now mind you, if your review is great, you are pumped. Or if you have the right attitude, you can use that review as a motivational tool. Or you can do the complete opposite and think that someone is picking on you. And I think that this is how many people are in everyday life.

It took me many, many years to learn how to take constructive criticism. And I still don't take it that well. But I do listen. My girlfriends used to tell that my mouth was outta control. It took a lot of practice, but I learned how to tone it down a little bit. My ex-boyfriend taught me how to apologize when I was wrong. He did that just by apologizing when he was wrong. (Very profound.) I also learned that I could be too critical and too black and white when it comes to assessing problems. How did I come to learn all this about myself? I listened to other folks. I took their opinions with a grain of salt, implemented what I deemed fit, and moved on.

Now obviously you can't take advice from just anyone. Hopefully the folks that you are listening have your best interests in mind. But even with that being said your "friends" and family will think that you are hatin'. I just wrote a blog about being honest, and most folks said that they would prefer honesty. I say, "yea right" to that. Don't no one want to know that they need an attitude adjustment. Don't no one want to know that their mate is a loser. Don't no one want to know that they speak/act/dress inappropriately at work. But from constructive, from the heart advice, is how people grow. I am a testament to that. I am by no means perfect. I am constantly growing and changing and tweeking things about me. Folks gotta be open to do the same.

Peace y'all.

Is honesty really the best policy?

Is honesty really the best policy?

Is a little white lie okay sometimes?

Does anyone really, really, want to know someone's honest opinion?

These are some hard questions and I don't really know the answers. I do know, however, that if you ask a question, you should definitely prepare yourself for an honest answer. For example, if a woman asks her man,"Do I look fat in this?", he could possibly say "yes." Or another toughy is when you ask a man if he is seeing other women. You kinda gotta prepare yourself for his honest response. (I am speaking from experience here.) These are obvious times where you have to be careful what you ask for.

Now where it gets a little tricky is if your opinion was not solicited. Here are a coupla of situations. Ask yourself how you would really handle them.

1. You really can't stand your best friend's new man. You see him watching other women. He is kinda hitting on you. But she thinks that he is the best thing going. On one hand, she may appreciate your insight. On the other hand, she might think that you are jealous because you don't have a man.

2. Your co-worker wears clothes that are completely inappropiate to work. You can see that people stare, even the manager. But you think to yourself, is it really my business to comment on someone else's wardrobe? Or do I keep letting people talk about my co-worker?

3. Your friend's weave/hairstyle/haircut/hair color looks completely stupid/inappropriate/unproffesional. Do you tell him or her? You know some people are really sensitive about their hair. But at the same time, how much of a friend are you if you let them leave out the house looking a hot mess?

4. Last situation, you really like someone, you click on all levels. This person understands you, seems to genuinely care about you, but you have a slight issue with the person. Let's say that the person is slightly chubbier/skinnier/smellier/shorter/taller than you are usually attracted to. What do you do? Do you try to get over these issues because the personality overshadows? Or are you honest with yourself and the person in the very beginning? (And don't be all self-righteous like looks aren't kinda important.)

I dunno the answers to these questions. I do know that folks really don't wanna hear anything negative about themselves. But at the same time, if you care for someone are you obligated to tell the truth? Please feel free you comment.

What I want...

I want to soak up the sun because it gives life.

I want to play hooky from work on a work day and act like I have no worries.

I want to put on a flowy dress and twirl like a ballerina just because I'm a girl.

I want watch cartoons all day in my PJ's eating junk food on a Saturday.

I want to stay in a hotel downtown and act like a tourist on vacation.

I want to loved and be loved like in the fairy tales.

I want to keep my friends and family close to my heart because, otherwise what is the point?

I want to have absolutely no regrets when it comes to the life I lead.

What do you want? What steps are you taking to get there?

So I am technically obese. Dammit!

I stay in the gym. This is something that has been a part of my life for the last few years. It makes me feel good and I feel healthier. Here lately I have also been changing my eating habits because just working out wasn't working. I wasn't seeing any visble results. And I do consider myself pretty healthy. I can run 4 miles in an hour. I lift weights. I workout 4-5 days a week. So imagine my surprise when I saw the numbers that told me that I was still obese. (Dammit!)

So I normally wouldn't release these numbers, but it is for the greater good. I am 5 feet and 3/4 of an inch tall and I weigh 170 lbs. According to the BMI calculator and this stupid little machine, my BMI is 32.4, which technically makes me obese. (Not very good news.) Actually, it kinda sucks. I was doing the calculations, I would have to get down to 155 lbs just to be considered only overweight. I haven't seen 155 lbs since high school, so I am not sure if that number can be hit again. Now I say all this to say, do you know your number? Even if that stupid little machine or calculator isn't looking at my body type, or the fact that Black men love my butt and thighs, or that both sides of my family has weight issues, I know that I can stand to lose a few pounds.

Most people are scared to get bad news. They would rather stay in the dark about what their health is. Why do you think that so many people avoid the doctor and the dentist? Because they just don't wanna know. Once you hear the news, it becomes real, then you have to make a decision. Do you continue on the path of unhealthiness, or do you change course? It is just easier to stay in the dark, right?

In Florida, one school district started sending out letters to parents telling them if their kids were at an unhealthy weight. I'm sure that you can guess the reaction. These parents were pissed. Pissed 'cause, according to one parent, they don't want people saying negative things about their kids. I do not think that that is the real reason. I think that the report is a reflection of the parents. (Just an opinion.) But who is really responsible for what kids eat? Who instills health and healthy behavior into kids? Shouldn't that start at home? Then one of the parents blamed the school for lack of gym and food selection at school. Ok that is probably a part of the situation. But really who has the most control, the school or the parents? Or better yet, who has the most responsibility, the school or the parents?

If folks don't wanna know their own numbers, fine. Trust me, it sux to find out that you are obese. But finding out that you kids are obese and doing nothing but blaming the school is tantamount to child abuse. You wouldn't deny your kids medicine if you knew that that would help any other condition. So why is this any different?
So after my little soapbox sermon, the bottom line is know your number and know your kid's number. Maybe these numbers will shock us into some action!

Need a boost in productivity, increase ur caffeine.

So I had an epiphany after my workout today. I was sitting in Barnes and Nobles, reading a magazine and enjoying a steaming cup of fresh brewed coffee, when I decided that I needed to go home and be super duper productive. I finished reading the magazine and jumped in my car with a sense of purpose.

I came home and cleaned the kitchen, took out the trash, swept the floors, cleaned my bathroom, put up clothes, cooked enough spaghetti for a week, and prepared myself for tomorrow. I did all of this while watching the basketball game. I think I did more in three hours than some folks do in a week.

I think that my productivity was really due to that cup of coffee. So if you too want to be productive, add a jolt to your body. Stimulation is great!

The Value Proposition of a Successful Partner

Today's consumers are a lot more selective. I believe this holds true for our relationships also. We need, want, and expect more out of our relationships. And I think that as education levels increase, so does our self-awareness and expectations.
When I first meet someone, I immediately notice the packaging. That is my superficial side. That is the side of me like likes the shiny materials. That excitement lasts as long as a kid's attention span for a new toy. After the initial attraction there has to be something else that keeps my attention. That is where the total value proposition of a partner comes in. The total value is the sum of their character, compatibility, friendship, relationships with other, values, and their experiences. All of these things must mesh with your value system. It would be very hard to compromise on the major things in life. Your value compatibilty will play a major factor in the success or failure of your relationship.
If you go into business for yourself, you have to do everything. You run the business, hire employees, and handle the books. You also assume all of the risks and reap all of the rewards. When you bring a partner into the business, you should be easing the load on yourself. You have someone that helps run the business, that assumes some of the risks, and shares in the profits. When you are single, you are running your own business. You handle all of your bills. You keep yourself entertained. You live only for yourself, good or bad. When you bring a significant other into your life, that person is supposed to help ease the load a little. That person shares in the hard times and the good times. Hopefully the synergy of the relationship should also be more then the sum of the wholes.
Anyways, I guess I am still single because I haven't found a quality partnership. I get sucked into the pretty packaging to find that the person is lacking substance. As a discerning customer, it would be silly to not test out the marketplace. There are so many options out there. And hopefully that perfect partnership will present itself when the time is right.

Sometimes u gotta wear ur sunshine shield.

Earlier this year I made a resolution be postive. I would not allow folk’s negativity into my life, I would tune these folks out. But one of my co-workers is determined to give me a hard time on this. He wants to throw cloud bombs on my sunshine. For this reason, I come armed with my sunshine shield. It blocks all cloud bombs no matter how powerful.
My job is fairly straight forward. You make phone calls, you recruit people to the school, and you close files. That is it in a nut shell. We have deadlines and we have goals. Everything is in black and white, none of us should be confused. There will always be things that happen that is out of our control. A student changes their mind, the student is denied financial aid, the student fails the tests, whatever. But your goals are still clear, you gotta replace them, not complain about them.
My co-worker is determined to keep complaining. Both he and I didn’t hit our last target. The shit is like that sometimes. But what do I do? I try to make up for it this session. What does he do? Complain about every reason why he didn’t hit target. (Trust me, no one cares. We are sales people, it is all about the numbers.) He says the students suck, our manager is terrible, our compensation plan sucks, this is a terrible job. And I say, recruit more students, we really don’t need our manager to do our job, hit your target and you’ll get paid more, and this is an easy job (comparatively speaking.) Man this dude was determined to make me feel as miserable as he was feeling yesterday and I wasn’t feeling it.
No matter what job you do, you are accountable for some goals. You don’t hit your goals, there are consequences. Deal with it and quit complaining. This guy yesterday said something profound and I’m going to hold on to it. He said "bring your own weather." By this he means if you decide that you want to be sunshiny, be that no matter anyone else’s weather patterns. Do not let someone’s cloudiness, storms, or gloom affect your weather. Put on your sunshine shield and keep shining.

Do your actions reflect self love?

Outside of your love for the Creator, you should love yourself in the highest regard. You may think that you love yourself, but do your actions reflect self love? Are you nourishing your body with healthy food, not crap, drugs, and alcohol? Are you feeding your mind constantly? Are you surrounding yourself with positive people? Are your thoughts pure? Is your language a good reflection of you? Are you a role model? If you answered "no" to any of these questions, maybe you should re-evaluate your love for yourself. Because honestly, until you truly love yourself, can you really love someone else?
If you love yourself, how can you put harmful things in your body? If you know that fat-laden food is gonna make you sluggish and fat and un-healthy, why eat it? If you know that drugs and excessive drinking tears up your mind, judgement, and internal organs, why keep doing it? I think that people that cannot sacrifice in the short-term for the good of their well-being long-term must not really love themselves. Otherwise why would anyone willingly jack up their own body?
Surround yourself with positive folks. If you write down everyone you hang around or who you consider your friends, chances are you embody the majority of their traits. My friends, I am proud to say are some educated girls, who are all independent and getting their grind on. So evaluate your list. If your list consist of people that dropped out of school, think partying is a way of life, still live with their parents, can't hold a job, what does that really say about you? If you are a winner, why hang with losers? They will only bring your stock down and likewise bring you down. Get some smart friends!
Self-improvement leads to a healthy mind, body, and soul. You shouldn't live in a bubble. Read a book sometimes. Finish school. Listen to someone who knows something about something. You'd be surprised about what you learn just listening and reading.
Something that we can all do better is speak positive thoughts into the world. Saying "hello" is the easiest way to brighten someone else's day. It will even make you feel good. Good actions are a direct reflection of good thoughts and intentions. So do good things and naturally you will become better.
I realize this is kinda preachy. But sometimes I see things that really show a negative self worth and it reflects in people's actions. The world would be a better place if the hating stopped. Change the world. Love yourself.